The Story of Jason

I wanted to have a way for people to touch base with my brother after his passing. The idea of a website was given to me by an individual I met at one of my “Seasons” (Survivors of Suicide) meetings. I feel it is necessary because as my life goes on, there are questions that are asked to me that are really hard to answer. I also want to share some stories about Jason’s life, and the eulogies that were written by me, his best friend Evan Kremer, his very good friend Michelle, and one of his friends that he had known for a very long time and was his business partner at the time of his death, Kenny Gendason. It is ironic that I am writing this today as Jason’s best friend Evan just had a baby boy last night and named him after my brother, his name is Ronan Jay.

So many times you meet people and they ask about family. One of the questions I am asked is “Do you have any siblings?” The obvious and single answer is Yes, but then the tough questions start. That question can now be answered and explained, without tears rolling down my face, with this website. Every day I have thoughts of Jason. Sometimes I may be alone and say to myself “I can’t believe my brother is not alive!” It is the most undescribable feeling ever that lies in my head always; and probably will never leave my head. “Time heals all wounds” is just a saying because those wounds or feelings will never leave me.

My son Kobe was not even one year old when Jason died so his memories will have to be retold to him at a later time. I do have a picture of Jason holding him at his bris and giving him a bath in the sink. My daughter Kara was 3 years old and believe it or not, she has memories. She always says, “I miss Uncle Jason.” I explained to her that he is in heaven and she has an idea of what that means. Just the other day she asked if it was going to rain and I said “only one person really knows.” She said “Uncle Jason” but then I had to explain that God is the only one that knows. Kara knows Uncle Jason is up in the sky with the angels. She even understands that sometimes she can’t continue to talk about it because it makes Daddy upset. Jason’s son Dylan also understands that his daddy is gone. Jason, I am going to do my best to make sure Dylan is taken care of his entire life.

My parents tell me they can’t sleep and I fully understand. I sometimes take a nap or am in a deep sleep and I swear I see him. It is an undescribable feeling.

Since Jason’s passing I realized that he had a lot of friends, it’s weird, but his friends have now become my friends. Before this tragedy happened, my life was different. So different you just can’t imagine.

Jason had tattoos that everyone used to give him a hard time about. As a tribute to him, I got a tattoo on both shoulders dedicated to him. A few of his friends have done the same thing. It is the perfect tribute to my brother.

There was a period of time where I was even scared to say his name, like he did something wrong, I would whisper it. Now I am much more open – I have a brother and his name is Jason.